I can’t believe I did this to myself

First time posting here, word-vomit ahead, but I'm going to purge my story in the interest of full disclosure and trying to keep myself accountable.

Many years ago I (very slowly) lost about 115 lbs, relying on calorie counting and an online community. Having support and a sense of accountability kept me on track and I went from 265 lbs to 150 lbs. Years later, I got sick and dropped another 30 lbs, but in a horribly unhealthy way. 2 1/2 years ago I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. The combination of nutritional mal-absorption and not eating (really sick all the time) is what lead to the weight loss. After getting diagnosed, I maintained 20 lbs of that loss in a healthy way, with my weight hanging out around 130 lbs for about 2 years. With the renewed health after going gluten-free and being at a healthy weight for the first time in my entire life, I felt great. I had so much energy, clothes shopping was fun, I was confident (-ish) and happy…

Then, I landed my dream job. Great, but worked insane hours for a year, and weight started creeping back on as my diet fell off the wagon. Then, I lost my dream job and slipped into a pretty intense depression. More weight piled on.

The depression-fog has started to lift. I reluctantly stepped on the scale on Sunday. 167 lbs. My BMI is 30.54. I'm medically obese. I can't believe I let this happen, I promised myself I would never be obese again. I gained the 20 lbs back, and then 17 more. 37lbs in about 18 months. I feel like crap. Sluggish, tired, heavy. None of my clothes fit. And after a month of laying around on the couch watching TV, eating Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and feeling sorry for myself, I'm achy as all hell.

I really need to get it together. I can't go back, I won't. I spent years meal planning and counting calories. I can do this again, and I need to before it gets worse. I went to the grocery store yesterday and stocked up on the good stuff, planned my meals for the week. I've got this, I know how to do it, and I know what works for me: consistency, accountability, planning, and moderation. It's now, or I'm going to end up with nothing to wear but pajama pants. I will NOT go buy new fat-clothes. I donated all of those sizes years ago.

Sorry for the confessional. Needed to get that out of me.

TLDR: lost weight, gained weight, now obese. Feel awful and all of my clothes are too small. Need to lose 37 lbs.

submitted by /u/RaniaMane [link] [comments]

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